So for whomever is just joining the party, I lost my Mom in the very first wave of the pandemic, to the fucking pandemic, and shortly after, a marriage.
BUT...
Wait for it... God ain't no fool.
He knew I had lost so much, and because God isn't a quitter, I began to feel like one of my kids was beginning to act like my mom, and I thought, OMG how thoughtful, he had remade her in one of my children!
Yeah, like I said, God ain't no slouch!
He's a generous guy!
So thoughtful.
Thanks God.
Well...
As such, I now, more than ever, would like to audition for my next career as a crossing guard, except I am not going to stop anyone who wants to run me over.
Without really spilling the "tea" as the kids say these days, this child (much like my mother) likes to magnify every terrible thing I do and has mastered the art of complaining while I am doing, (or attempting), said task.
This child has mastered critiquing and complaining at the same fucking time; that's some Cathy shit right there.
Said kiddo manages to piss me off within the first ten minutes of my eyes opening.
Wasn't sure this was possible.
Face plant to me remembering my mom waking ME up in the morning.
And the NUMEROUS times, I knew WAY more than she did....
How dare she want me to be successful and get an education!
The nerve of HER!
WTF MOM!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. (if you have kids, you can hear this sound as you read it).
There is NO way she knows MORE than me.
Well anyways,
Thank you God for making your point loud and clear.
REVELATION...
I have produced the spawn of MYSELF.
This kid exists, I am positive, to remind me on the daily of what a shitty job I am doing.
AND BONUS: this child is also a clairvoyant.
Know how I know?
They complain about shit that HASN'T EVEN MOTHERFUCKING HAPPENED YET.
I am now getting hot flashes as I remember doing the same crap...
Whenever I ask said child to DO ANY MOTHERFUCKING THING, you would think I had asked them to play in traffic.
(No sweetie, that is MY reward, not yours).
Circling back, karma isn't JUST a bitch, karma is a bitch who has seen scorched earth, touched it, and come back to let you know, in GRAPHIC detail, how hot that shit is.
Side note, THAT SHIT BURNS.
So even though my mother may be gone, I sit back and say to my mom, well played, well played.
I am now seeing that we have kids to remind us of what assholes we were.
Children serve as a pin, always at the ready, to burst our bubble.
Kids are a serving of humble pie on a platter.
Humility.
It is something not enough people possess.
In the meantime, I am going to grab an Advil.
And mom, I am sorry.
Enjoy your pinot grigio as you laugh your ass off.
You've MORE than earned it.
Xoxo,
C.
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