After my father died, it became more and more apparent that my Mother was slowly dying herself, she missed him so much she forgot she was alive, or why she wanted to be.
When my Dad died, my Mom initially held it together, but as the weeks turned to months, to years it became apparent that, without my Dad, she wasn't quite sure she wanted to be alive either. The prospect of spending her life alone? Why live when she had lost such a great life partner?
She enjoyed his company, she longed for it.
It broke my heart to see someone once so vibrant lose their sparkle. She became dull.
In the middle of this I had 2 more kids. I am an only child with no family in the area. Trying to "save" her and make her happy while raising three kids was exhausting to say the least.
Nasty things were sometimes exchanged, tempers flaring, but anytime I got the call I was needed, I went. I put everything else behind me and soldiered up and was there.
Just when I thought I mentally and physically couldn't do it, I did. And I did it over and over and over. She was my Mom. I love and loved her.
That is the thing, if you think you can't you're right. I thought I could and I did, even when it hurt.
That's the crazy thing about unconditional love, no matter how bad you may have been to each other, when you are needed, you show up. You don't think about yourself. You show up.
Trust me, my Mom and I had our share of disagreements. But man did we have our share of makeups.
There were times I didn't want to show up quite frankly. But I did because I knew she needed me. She was too strong to ask me for help, she even pushed me away. But unconditional love makes you go above and beyond.
I knew even though sometimes I didn't want to help her, I had to, because I loved her.
Even if I was furious at her, I showed up. The last time I saw her in the hospital before she was transferred, I made every arrangement for her next stop at the rehab facility. I had been doing that for ten years. Juggling her needs with those of my family. Trust me there were times I wanted to run, but I loved her, so I showed up.
I made sure her bills got paid along with our own. Organized tax stuff. Called everyday maybe more. I made sure she was at every holiday she could muster. I made sure she saw the kids as much as possible to try and cheer her up. I had her stay up here or vice versa to try and diminish her feelings of loneliness.
Even when I was angry and sad myself, I showed up, because I loved her.
That's what you do when you love someone, you show up, even at their worst.
I showed up.
If you love some one you show up.
I can confirm if you show up, you will never regret what happens, no matter what.
Xoxo,
C.
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