Left handed people are unsung heroes.
We are out there fighting crimes, injustice, and battles every day.
OK maybe not as much as I make it sound, but for reals people, us lefties are DOING it.
People always like to sing the songs of the unheard minority.
Give them flags.
Months.
Acknowledgement.
Well I am here to say, the biggest of those unsung heroes and minorities, are the left handed community.
Some outnumbered groups get a parade.
Celebrated.
Us lefties?
We get a DAY.
One SOLO day.
In August no less, when people are drunk on margaritas, and don't give two hoots about anything but finding a beach and a tan.
Left handed folks are given ZERO credit for the adversities that we must endure daily.
For those of you RIGHT handers...let me divulge...
Scissors?
Don't even get me started.
If your school had even 1 pair of left handed scissors, you were lucky.
And even then, you had to wait to use them, because the one other lefty in the entire school needed to use them also.
I STILL have to buy left handed scissors, and YES they exist, you right handed people who are so handedly clueless to your privilege, you don't even realize this quiet struggle.
Erasable pens?
Jesus, even just pencils...
No lefty invented those.
I will show you the side of my hand as proof.
Desks?!
This is why all left handers look and write like we are summoning a demon if we don't secure the only left handed desk in the classroom.
Goddamn spiral notebooks?
Might as well just stab me with a spoon.
Composition notebooks all day, everyday.
Seating at a dinner table?
I need to be seated first, like the dignitary that I am, or else pandemonium will occur, and by that, I mean dueling elbows.
And there aren't any banjos playing.
Us lefties have to endure.
Silently.
Unacknowledged.
We are more likely to die 7 years earlier than right handers, because we tend to space out, and Elon Musk is not at the helm.
But at least we aren't trying to revisit the Titanic with a play station remote, or are we?
Where was I going with this?
Ok, back to facts, because we are raised in a right handed world, lefties are seen as more bendable.
Adaptable.
Pliable.
We represent only 10% of the worlds population, but 100% of the worlds heart, you can pick which one of these nuggets of knowledge is true, and which one is false.
Truth, in the 1700's if you were a lefty, people called you a witch.
Let's be honest, I was called worse last weekend, but at least I wasn't burned at the stake.
So I guess we are making SOME stides.
(For proof, read the post prior to this one)
HOWEVER, lefties are geniuses.
Ok, I made this one entirely up, but that is due to lefties incredible psychic powers.
Ok, I made that up too.
Did I mention lefties were more creative?
That is a fact that just, "slaps" as the kids say.
However, another fact, one that is sad, is that there exists one group that is well known for the hatred of us lefties.
The Catholics.
Catholics HATE left handed people.
That I did not make up.
Ask anyone who is over 60, and who went to a Catholic school...they know this unfallible truth...
Because they are now right handed.
If that isn't enough proof, ask a Nun who taught in the 1950's.
Those are the people that made it happen.
However, lefties ARE better at sports and fighting.
Don't believe it?
Meet me in the school yard and I will prove it.
You won't even see it coming.
Never heard of a left hook, have you?
Well now you will.
We are also awesome at sarcasm.
JK, that is just one of MY superpowers.
(Don't even get me started on my others.)
Side note, we are natural born leaders.
Eight presidents, including a relative of mine were left handed.
These leadership qualities are probably due to fact that the world sucks at catering to us, so we must adapt and create our own universe.
Is this why we space out more often?
Nope, just why we are more witty.
We are said to be better artists.
Remember that creative thing I spoke about earlier?
Vincent Van Gogh, Leonardo DaVinci, Cynthia Elizabeth Foust, the list goes on, anyone, anyone?
Yet, we lefties endure stigmas.
It's not all accolades and ice cream sundaes.
Have you ever heard of a left hand man?
No, you haven't.
Because apparently, no one needs that guy.
People are taught only to need someone who is right handed.
They only want their, "right hand man."
To which I earnestly reply, horseshit.
There is a theory circling around that we are lefties because our mothers were stressed during pregnancy, and tended to touch the left side of their face more often.
If this is true, all my children should be left handed by now.
Anyways, I digress.
Did I mention we are apparently prone to spacing out for a brief time more than our right handed counterparts?
Or maybe that's just me and the other 9 percent.
Focus Foust.
On that note, southpaws unite!
Represent.
I also read in my travels of my special trait, on this planet, called Earth, left handed people are notoriously bad drivers.
Mainly because we forget we are driving.
What was I saying?
Again, see my last post for recognition of this naked truth.
We also, apparently have a higher tendency for encountering enduring PTSD.
This could explain why perhaps I still can't get over my last "adventure."
Or, erasable pens, or the fact that in elementary school I had to race for a desk like it was a game of musical chairs and only one lefty could win, because there was always one lefty desk in the entire county for the one of our two sad souls in the school.
It was like growing up in the OG hunger games.
I am still in recovery.
Hence, my therapist.
That lefty PTSD is real.
And apparently, according to "science," righties and lefties are pretty much the same.
In laymen's terms, as my son would say, "basically," we are both "mid."
To which I respond, BULL SHIT.
We are an oppressed people who get no recognition.
Ask any lefty, and they can tell you, or ask any teenager, who nowadays would respond...
"We just built different."
That term should be a lefties only statement.
I want to reclaim and brand it.
I will note, my knowledge of teen slang is impressive, in case you haven't noticed.
So for as much as chemists, and scientists might like to say we are the on the same level, I can unequivocally say, growing up being a left handed gal, I found myself with many a struggle right handers will never know, and so therefore I will say, that scientists can suck it.
The stuggle of a left hander is one that is, and continues to be, real.
Nope, this is not a tale of woe is me.
This is a beacon, and a reminder, to go left every once in a while.
Not everything is "right."
I "spit" the truth, and I know this, because I went left, and also because I own a few teenagers.
Remember when Ralph Waldo Emerson talked about those two roads that diverged in to the woods, and he said you should take the road less taken?
Well that's because that is where you will find me, driving backwards to arrive at my destination, get cursed out, with the added bonus of, you get laugh your ass off about it.
AND, that road less taken, or "left" taken, in my case, also (not) commonly reffered to as never taken or as I like to call it, B.C.: also known as Before Cynthia), has afforded me to test out my finest English vocab and navigation skills.(Refer to prior post.)
Lefties are afforded and gifted enough to possess senses that allow us to use all that creativity we get bestowed upon us, because we can't cut anything with "normal people" scissors!
But just call me the left handed modern day Christopher Columbus if you will, with a good dose of healthy self deprication To calm my enormous ego, and silence this huge internal struggle.
Again, us lefties are able to pivot on a dime remember?
We are also amazing, in case you spaced out.
So revisiting my original rant, straight up, if any other lefty out there feels me on this subject... raise your left hand.
Word up.
South down.
Because as the world clearly knows, God made everyone right handed, but only the truly gifted, overcome it.
And with that being said, I am your gift.
You're welcome.
Now go take a louie.
Xoxo,
C.
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