Some days I wake up and hate myself.
Some days I wake up and like myself.
And on other days I wake up and love myself.
You see, it is a crap shoot.
But I am trying to aim for more days where I love myself, adore myself, cherish and treasure myself.
I am trying to remember all that I have been through, and that even at my worst, I have done my best, and that is worth my love.
With any loss, not only comes grief, but in my case, a tremendous amount of responsibilities, with no one to sweep in and save me.
I am it, the buck literally stops here.
That is overwhelming, to say the least.
A burden few will ever have the chance to truly know.
I will go one further, and say one that very few know how to navigate alone, without siblings, or even some family to help ease the load.
To guide and assist.
Tasks that have not only made me fall to my knees, but have found judgement passed on me, at my very lowest.
I am not perfect.
Actually far, far from it.
But I go forward smiling.
Hoping that one day, I will realize I was always enough.
Knowing one day I will wake up to loving myself on most days, not all, but most.
Until then I press ahead, doing my best to wear 100 hats, while fulfilling 100 jobs.
Only I know the extent of what has been my story.
Therefore I will continue to write it.
For better or worse.
Trying to love every page.
Xoxo,
C.
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