I am missing a lot of things recently.
My mind is probably at the top, but then again, so is my sanity.
Now I find myself missing my kids.
They are with their Dad for the next eight days, which is awesome, but leaves me feeling a bit , ok, a lot, lonely.
This is the longest I have ever been apart from them.
I am by no means a helicopter parent.
(More of a drone one if truth be told, I prefer to hover with stealth).
And as much as I can find myself sometimes annoyed by my kids demands and complaints, I moreover find myself yearning for their company and companionship.
Reality check!
WAIT FOR IT!
I actually like my kids!
I think I may be bipolar; motherhood is a love/hate relationship like that.
Or perhaps I am just a Mom who constantly questions my kids actions and may even find myself annoyed by them more often than I would like to admit, but none the less a Mom who loves the shit out of them.
And that is exactly why I do criticize them and question the hell out of everything they do.
Because I LOVE them.
To let them exist is easy, but to teach them?
To truly love them?
That is fucking HARD, because it takes WORK.
That is where the hate part comes into play.
Remember that whole bipolar thing?
Yeah it's that.
One minute you want them to be their best self; another you don't want to know where they are; it's 10 pm?
So yeah, anyways, I miss them, and they have been gone for well, 15 minutes now.
I would like to think the rapport we have is a good one.
One that is filled with laughter, but also important lectures.
The life I have created is one that is filled with what I would like to believe is mostly one filled with smiles, along with sarcasm and the occasional dose of serious sillies.
I would like to think I have created a life with my children that I can be proud of, even if they aren't going to acknowledge me in public, because of course, I am embarrassing, DUH!
Yet, I would also love to think I am building a life which includes lessons that have a healthy dose of how to execute correct manners; served with a side of an awesome sense of mental fortitude; all provided by yours truly.
I am currently patting myself on the back.
Anyways, I am sans kiddos for the next 8 days; and I already feel empty.
It's crazy to realize how much my kids not only fill my days; but truly how much more they fill my heart.
They complete me.
Therefore, I am missing them terribly.
Will they miss me?
Good question.
I guess I have eight days to find out.
Until then, I will continue to miss them and listen to the Evita soundtrack on loop, so don't cry for me...
That is until they arrive home, ask what is for dinner, eye roll, groan, and ask for another option.
And then I start playing Coolio's, Gangster's Paradise...
Motherhood is awesome like that.
Back to being bipolar.
Wink wink.
Xoxo,
C.
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